Thursday, April 15, 2010

1, 2

I really don't know what to say. All I know is that when I saw that ugly motherfucker walking down the stairs, contrary to what I have been taught, the only thing in my mind was violence. I was very close to it.
But I looked at the kids and rationalized. Right now their both innocent and they don't deserve to see any spectacles.
I must admit though, I ran 5 miles, worked out and still wasn't able to fall asleep.
Anyhow I bought this small gift for you before I went to Mexico. I was going to find an appropriate time to give it to you when I got back.
Since I don't think there will be one in the near future I thought I should give it to you now. Don't lose it like you did the bicycle.
I don't think I want to see you. I doubt that I will be able to be as rational the next time.
I really know none of the problems we've had have been your fault. I'm an irresponsible person to live with and even more so to understand. How can one understand another who is barely on the verge of understanding himself. That's probably the reason why I've only had one long term relationship. Make it an even eight years May 20th.
Just remember, I've always thought you were a cut above the rest, so treat yourself in that fashion.
When you mentioned you would put yourself so far out of reach from me I wouldn't be able to touch you, I knew what you meant. I also know that right now I wouldn't be able to communicate verbally with you and make any sense because of the anger I hold, which is dormant now but can wake at any time.
I'll try to figure out a way to communicate with you so that you can have the kids ready for me when I pick them up.
I think I've broken another barrier by writing this letter. Normally I just shun myself from everything. But we've known each other too long for that to happen. Even though it took me approx. 10 hrs. to write this letter.

P.S. No offense to the ugly stupid motherfucker that was walking down the stairs. I've seen him but I don't know him.
I would call anybody names that was walking down the stairs. But He wouldn't be there unless he was invited.


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